Breaking the Habit
by painted-laughter
Summary: HPDM slashy goodness! Depressed type Draco decides he's going to stop cutting. Only one person can help him, but does he have enough time? oooh! lol. please r&r!
1. Default Chapter

AN: I've been thinking about a story like this for a couple of weeks now. It was inspired by a song by Linkin Park...I think it was "Breaking the Habit," I'm not sure. Please review so I know whether it's any good!! and I'm really sorry about my other story i got kind of sidetracked with this story. but to tell you the truth I don't really know where either is going. I'll try to update as soon as possible with his one and the other one too. Sorry bout all the sporadic stuff...hehe...I'm kinda like that. runs away as things are thrown at her face

Disclaimer" I don't own anything related to Harry Potter so please don't sure cuz all you'll get is...um...i don't know cuz my mom bought me all my stuff...hehe. Well I don't claim to won anything Harry Potter so yeah...you can't sure me now I know you are jealous of my lint!!

------TO THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surrounded by darkness the pale figure tossed and turned. He could never escape the nightmares even when he tried so hard not to fall asleep, but his body always won over his mind.

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Flashback

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"GET UP! How can you call yourself a Malfoy?" Lucius proceeded to kick his son a few times in the ribs, adding more bruises to the battered boy. "How could you let that mudblood beat you in your scores! You come from a long line of pureblooded wizards and you let that tainted idiot beat you!"

Draco groaned, and with a painful gasp whispered, "I'm sorry I-"

"NO EXCUSES! You are NOT my son and don't deserve to become a privileged follower of the Dark Lord." The older Malfoy reigned more blows on his son's beaten and bleeding frame. "Crucio!!" The Slytherin Ice Prince let terrible screams filled with excruciating pain rip from his throat until his screams did not make any noise other than a light hiss.

All Draco could feel was pain. He was not surprised when more hits began breaking his all ready shattered body.

"You have brought this upon yourself! Allowing that mudblood to beat you in school, allowing the Dark Lord's greatest enemy beat you in Quiditch! Let me teach you again what the price is, I'm going to have some fun with you, you idiotic, sorry excuse of a son!!"

Draco was filled with dread /No, No NO!! Don't!! Not again!!/ He internally screamed as his father tore off both of their clothes and entered him roughly. After a few minutes of incredible pain the small blonde fell into complete darkness, only to wake up on the floor covered in his own blood and his father's atrocious semen.

End Flashback

A scream of pain and terror escaped his mouth as he shot up from his bed. He looked around confused as to where he was. His room, at Hogwarts. Safe for now, which certainly won't be for long. His father's beatings fresh in his mind. The petite Slytherin curled up into a ball, as if trying to disappear, as silent sobs racked his slightly built, but bruised frame. He was glad that the Slytherin's bratty attitudes got the most popular of them their own rooms.

He never wanted to join Voldemort, at least, not until he met him and his father began abusing him. At first, when he was younger, he dreamed of joining the Dark Lord just so his father would for once, be proud of him. Then he grew older, and learned of who Voldemort really was, of who his father really was.

He had told his father that once, that he didn't think Voldemort was so great. That's when his father first touched him, he was 10 at the time. And since then his father increased the amount of pain he inflicted upon his "son." Over the summer was when things hit an all time high...he began to rape him.

Draco wanted so badly to escape his father, but he couldn't. There was nowhere for him to go. Plus, he had a feeling his dear old dad wouldn't let him. When he met him that fateful day at the shop, he gained hope that he would actually get away from Lucius. Then the weasel came along and Harry didn't accept his offer of friendship.

Which was right around the time he began cutting himself. Nothing serious at first, just a light cut on his thigh, no scar or real blood. But after a few years he cut deeper and moved to his wrist. No one knew about it though. No one really cared or bothered to try and make sure he was ok.

Contrary to common belief, he was not friends with Blaise, or Crabbe, or Goyle, or Parkinson. He just let them hang around. Crabbe and Goyle were just too stupid to be anything other than a couple of goons. Parkinson was too into his looks to give a care about how he felt.... Plus she was really, really weird when you got to know her better. And Blaise, Blaise is as weird as they get and perverted. But he was good at fighting so he figured he might as well keep him around he may be of good use at some point.

So basically he was alone. Ever since he was a child. He was always jealous when he saw Potter with the Granger and the Weasel. Why had he turned him down all those years ago and gone to the poor, pathetic weasel?

But to tell you the truth, Draco didn't hate Harry. And he wasn't really angry with him for turning down his friendship. He had been acting like a stuck-up rich prat. The Ice Prince was only hurtful and nasty to him because if he didn't, his father would find out and he would have three times the amount of pain when he went home. He was always beaten more when Harry beat him to the snitch or Granger got a higher score on something. He had nothing against Granger actually, but she was part of the Golden Trio and a mudblood so he was expected, by his father, to hurt her along with Potter and their idiotic red-haired friend, who he did have something against, he took Harry away from him, took away some of the little hope he had left.

And if this wasn't enough of an admission for here's another...Draco Malfoy the Slytherin Ice Prince...is gay. And more shocking (AN: Not to me!! ) is that he actually had fallen for the Gryffindork, Golden Boy himself.

He doubted Harry Potter would have anything other than hate for the supposed Death Eater-in-training. Which is another reason he cut himself...Harry could never care about him. But he didn't blame him for anything.

Now, in his 6th year at Hogwarts, being the most hated Slytherin in the school, Draco Malfoy was balling his eyes out because of all the memories that constantly haunted him and his love for someone who could never love him back. His father had told him the date he was set to get the Dark Mark. The petite blond supposed the safest(considering his family) thing to do was join Voldemort. He figured it would be the best, he could even live up to everyone's expectations of him. But he didn't feel like he could. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he just give up fighting and give into his father's wishes? Should he tell Harry his undying love for him, get rejected by him and beaten to death by him and Lucius? Both seemed very fun.

Draco slowly stopped his sobbing and rolled his sleeve up. He took off the masking curse he had put on his arm revealing and intricate design of cuts, some thin, white and old, and some fresh, and red. He grabbed the special dagger he had bought himself once. It had an emerald-eyed snake wrapped around the handle. Slowly and carefully, he drew it across his arm, making by far the deepest and longest cut on his skin. He watched mesmerized as the blood flowed down his arm and ignored the pain he caused. It was definitely not worse than pain he had felt before.

After watching the red liquid roll down his arm, he quickly healed it as best he could. He had found his decision on what to do, but he couldn't end it yet. There was one thing he had to do.

The slightly muscled, but thin figure of the young Malfoy walked over to his desk. He took out some parchment and a quill.

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Dear Harry,

I'm sure you're surprised that I'm writing to you. But that is a reason I did. I'm sorry Harry. Yes, Draco Malfoy the Slytherin Ice Prince who has ridiculed you and your err...friends for the past 6 years has apologized to you, Harry Potter the Golden Boy. Get over it. I'm sorry for that too, it's hard to stop something you've been forced to do for so long. I'm relieved. You probably won't believe me, probably believe I'm trying to trick you. But please try Harry, please. I don't hate, I never have, and never will. It was because of my father... he... well let's just say he won't ever be nominated by me for the best father of the year award. And I shouldn't use my father as an excuse for all I have ever said and done to you. I am truly sorry for that. The real reason for this letter is that I need to tell you that...that...I love you Harry. I know you won't believe that one, but it's true. And I can't live with what I've done to you, with what I can't have with you, with what my father has done. So I guess this letter, in addition to being a declaration of love, is to say goodbye. I just can't with everything anymore. I'm sorry. I'll most likely be gone by the time your finish this. Everything just hurts so much, I can't take. I'm sorry Harry, and please don't hate me. I know you probably do, especially of my confession of being in love with you. But really I am, and I can't live with knowing you don't love me back. So I'm ending it tonight. Goodbye Harry.

With love and regret,

Draco

The Slytherin took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was actually going to send it, and send it he did. Then he went back to his dagger and carefully picked it up. He admired it for some time. Then the abused blonde put the ice cold metal against his pale arm, shivering, and slid it across. This time digging it even deeper into his skin across the cut he had mad only minutes before and watched the liquid licorice, _his_ liquid licorice flow from the slit skin. As the distressed, beautiful sliver-eyed blonde saw the fuzzy-ness seep into the edge of his vision an emerald-eyed Gryffindor heard a clacking at the window and was given a letter from, to his great surprise, his enemy.

--------How was it??? Should I continue??? Please, please, PLEASE review!!! it would mean a whole lot to me to know what you think about my story!!!!!! puppy dog eyes justified flames are accepted of course! and reading this fic over....they're justified....o.O


	2. Chapter II

AN: WOW!! I got a heck of a lot more reviews than i thought i would!! And sorry it takes so long for me to update and stuff, but I've been really busy, and this weekend I seriously had no time for updating. But now I am so hopefully you people can forgive me!! I'm still not sure where this story is headed. any ideas are welcome. So, I guess I should stop boring you with this stuff and get on with the story!!!! I'm too lazy to write another disclaimer so please look at chapter numero uno!!

Chapter 2

--FYI: this goes back in time a little, before Harry gets the letter--

Gryffindor's Golden Boy sighed as he made his way up to his room. Ron and Hermione were currently "finishing their homework," which for some unknown reason involves snogging like crazy. He had been working with them, but he left as soon as they began paying more attention to each other and basically ignoring him. Don't get him wrong though, he was glad his two best friends had finally got together after having been oblivious to their own and each other's feeling (they're in their 6th year).

It was hard having his two closest friends so madly in love with each other. Sure they tried to not show too much affection around him, but he couldn't help feeling a little jealous. Why couldn't he have someone? He could have talked to Sirius about this, but now he's gone.

The emerald eyes glassed over at the thought of his godfather. He couldn't stop blaming himself for hi death. Right after Sirius died, Harry had been distant from everyone. Ron and Hermione were worried sick of course and tried as hard as possible to get him to open up a bit. He felt like they were suffocating him then. But now he acts like he used to. He acts like the loyal, brave, and happy Golden Boy that everyone expected from the Boy Who Lived.

But it was so hard keeping up his mask, the man he looked up to as a father died, because of him. Tears threatened to fall from his beautiful eyes as Harry held them back. He couldn't let them go until he was alone. He made his way down the hall and went straight to his bed. He made sure no one could get in and then flopped onto his bed as tears ran down his cheeks. The courageous Gryffindor wept into his pillow so as to stifle his sobs. Then his tired form drifted off to sleep. It was disturbed only minutes later, by a tapping on the window. An eagle owl flew in, dropped a letter on the floor and swiftly flew out the window and soared off into the night.

Tired emerald orbs stared at the letter on the floor and picked it up slowly. In a clearly neat and practiced writing it said _Harry Potter._ His fingers cautiously opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of parchment. He gasped as he found out whom it was from...Draco Malfoy, his enemy. He was shocked to say the least. Why would Slutherin's Ice Prince want to write to a Gryffindor, much less the Golden Boy himself? Then a sense of dread ran through his veins and he became worried.

/Something is wrong, I know it! Wait, why am I worried, this is Draco Malfoy. He's probably gloating about something. Or trying to trick him into something. He was a Malfoy and considering all the ridicule he has put me through, I wouldn't put it past him./

But for some reason, he knew this wasn't true. Draco wouldn't take the time to write and send a letter to him. He wasn't like that. And Harry should know since they have been fighting for years. Up until last year, Harry would have easily believed the young Malfoy was trying to trick him, but not after what he realized.

Over the summer, Harry had a lot of thinking time. Yes his aunt and uncle kept him busy with work, but his mind always wandered as he cleaned. The act was, he found out he was gay, or bi at least bi. He was still attracted to girls as well, but guys seemed so much more interesting. Lately (since last year) Harry noticed attractive things about guys, especially one in particular. And surprisingly enough, that one is Draco Malfoy.

Harry noticed the pain and confusion in the Slytherin's silver eyes. To most people his eyes looked emotionless and cold, but if you looked hard enough, or had a strange sense of knowing who people really are, you could see that the small blonde wasn't that cold . The Ice Prince was very good at hiding his emotions though. Harry had an extremely hard time finding out and at first thought he was imagining things, but soon realized who he really was. But he still didn't make any sign or show any offer of friendship. Malfoy had continued to ridicule him and his friends. Unless he let up a little, Harry wasn't sure if he would ever offer a sign of truce or friendship.

Well, the fact of the matter is, Harry realized how hot Draco was. With his slightly muscled, but lean and small frame. And his gorgeous silvery-blonde hair. And not to mention his sexy silver (with bluish specks) eyes. But the way he acts, and Harry's Gryffindor views don't mix well right now. Maybe someday they can both get past everything they are expected to be.

Anyway, back to the letter, tired as he was the Boy Who Lived quickly and carefully read the letter. He gasped as he read what Draco had to say, and was 10 times as shocked as when receiving the letter. A look of terror passed the boy's face and his normally tan skin paled some. The Potter heir was confused and scared at once. Through the thoughts running through his head, Harry picked out the most important. Get to Draco first. And with that Harry ran to get his Invisibility Cloak and checked the Marauder's Map to find out where Draco's room actually was. After memorizing the location, Harry ran through the Gryffindor common room and took off towards the dungeons. The 6th year Gryffindor ran as fast as possible while keeping on his cloak. Filch would not be able to stop him from reaching the Slytherin, but he could easily slow him down, and that could make a huge difference.

Finally reaching the dungeons, Harry was glad to see someone had been out late and was just going in. He managed to get inside just in time and as quickly as possible he dodged the many students and made his way to Malfoy's room. Once he got there, breathing very heavily, he turned the knob. As he feared, the Slytherin placed locking spells on the door so no one could stop him. Harry took out his wand and used as many unlocking spells he could think of. The he remembered one Hermione had recently forced taught him. After whispering the spell, hoping like crazy it would work, he could feel his time was running out. The insufferable door, which Harry had just thought of many creative ways to have it destroyed, clicked, and Harry thanked Hermione like crazy that she was so smart and obsessive with homework.

After deciding that throwing the door open in a dramatic and loud fashion was not him (and plus it would bring more attention to him, which was something he knew would be bad), the ever-so-thoughtful Gryffindor opened it enough so he could slip through. Once inside the dimly lighted room he searched for the blonde. He caught sight of the small Slytherin holding a dagger in his hand, sitting next to his bed, blonde hair falling into his face. A single lamp's soft glow around him. He looked lost and surreal at the same time.

Any other moment and Harry would have been enraptured and have reveled in the sight the blonde had made. But now was certainly not the time. He rushed over to the boy and noticed he was still conscience.

Desperate silver eyes met worried emerald orbs, and the blonde whispered, "Harry? Why are..." "Shh, Draco. What did you do to yourself?" looking at the Slytherin's arm, Harry began to cry at the sight.

A confused Draco looked even more desperate, "Why did you come Harry? I'm supposed to kill myself while you laugh and throw away my letter. The next day I am found dead and everyone is glad. Then you marry some lucky girl and live happily ever after. What are you doing here?"

A sob wracked Harry's lean frame as he wrapped the other's arm with a piece of his shirt. Draco was still able to talk so he must have come in time. Draco should be ok. Sighing in hesitant relief, Harry looked up to Draco's eyes again, away from his haunting arm.

He opened his mouth so as to set the record straight for the Malfoy heir, and then gasped in shock and worry again as the normally set, controlled and cold gray eyes of the Slytherin Prince became hazy. "Draco!"

The small blonde slumped forward and lost consciousness . Panic set into the Golden Boy's emerald eyes again. Deciding on what was best, the Gryffindor carefully and quickly picked up the smaller boy, and grabbed his Invisibility Cloak. He rushed out the door and was momentarily surprised there was no one in the common room. Then realizing it must be late, he thanked whatever god there was that gave him an easy and quick way to help Draco. Practically running out of the dungeons, all the while protectively holding the delicate Slytherin, Harry rushed to the Infirmary and Madame Pomphrey.

When he finally reached it, he rushed inside and desperately called for the older witch. "Madame Pomphrey! Madame Pomphrey!! Help!!" Hearing the yelling, she hurried in and once she saw the courageous Golden Boy's frantic face and the figure in his arms, she firmly told him to lay him on a bed.

"The cut's very deep. He is one of the last people I would think would do this. I'd ask what happened, seeing as you two are rivals, but that can wait until later." Madame Pomphrey quickly said a healing spell. "It won't heal it completely. There'll be a scar. And he has lost a lot of blood so he won't be getting up anytime soon."

Harry looked at her in a less distressed face, but still worried and she answered his unasked question, "I'm not sure what is going on, but I know you wouldn't try anything wrong, so you can stay. Besides I would rather not get mixed up in your strange affairs young Harry. Tell me when he awakes though." With that, she offered a small smile of reassurance, which he returned with an even smaller smile of thanks. She then walked off to rest and wait on her own, leaving a concerned Harry watching an unconscious Malfoy.

----------So what did you think?? PLEASE REVIEW!! they help my though meats a lot. I don't think this came out as good as I'd hoped. Hopefully it's up to you people's wonderful standards though.


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